He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
