i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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