i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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