I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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