today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
