Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
