There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
