Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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