im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
