I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
