If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize