Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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