Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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