she was so not down for the gang bang
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
