so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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