The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize