I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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