keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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