all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
