I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
