you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
