I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize