Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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