if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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