And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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