You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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