i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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