Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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