Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize