I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
