i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this beer tastes like vomit already
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
