the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
