I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
