We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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