Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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