Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
