I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
