Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
