Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
