I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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