Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
