We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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