Soap is not a condiment
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
