Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
