he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
