had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
