dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Even my vagina gasped.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
