This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
