I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
