I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
