As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
