You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
