How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize