remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize