I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Even my vagina gasped.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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