His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
