i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
