Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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