If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
