Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
