hell yes lets make some ravioli
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
