I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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