sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am one with the molecules
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
