4 words: hood of his car
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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