I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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