whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
