24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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