I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
