How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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