got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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