i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize